So it’s been a while since I’ve talked about Hoops, and probably for the best. But I haven’t updated in a while, so I figure I’ll post some more embarrassing drawings to get me motivated. And these next few are pretty fucking embarrassing. Funnily enough, these comics are actually more recent than the past few comics I’ve shown.
So I forget how things got to this point, but it looks like I gave up on that whole “go to college” thing, since I think they finally got there. But I realized I don’t know anything about college, so now they’re vagrants, wandering around the United States and getting into all sorts of random trouble.
Like this little storyline. If you remember from my past posts (here and here), Hoops and his friends are bullied by three generic-looking assholes called The Bullies. Well, it seems that the Bullies are moving up in the world, as they’re now generic-looking mobsters. And they have small bits of individuality – Al is the leader who looks generic, Cal is the guy with an eyepatch, and Bone is the guy who never speaks and always carries around a suitcase (fun fact: say their names in that order really fast – wasn’t I so clever???).
So now the Bullies, with their new mafia status, decide that the best thing to do would be to kill Hoops and his friends instead of bully them, and they challenge them to a fight. Why, I don’t know. I don’t know what the events leading up to this comic were, but I’m pretty sure that Hoops and his friends were just goofing off and not doing anything to the Bullies. I guess it follows with the Bullies’ character – they are assholes, therefore they must fuck our heroes up.
And they’re joined by a team of mercenaries – Hockey, Scorch, Charge, and Scary Bob. No, those aren’t codenames – that is literally the sum of their character.
Oh, I forgot to mention, the battle takes place in a power transformer. I’ll admit that location isn’t too bad to have a fight in. But I could have the battle on the sinking Titanic while it’s on fire and it wouldn’t change the fact that I only drew a couple of background images for the whole 23 panel battle.
I remember when I drew this I was thinking “This is so EPIC!”
I don’t know why the hell one of the characters is standing on a skateboard during the fight. Is he going to grind on someone’s face? Is there a Cage of Doom that he and a mercenary have to skateboard in?
Also, it is sort of disappointing that Hockey (the guy with the dark face/hockey puck) doesn’t have a hockey stick or even dressed up like Jason Voorhees. I would totally pay for a mercenary who dresses up like Jason Voorhees and goes Friday the 13th on someone’s ass. But no, the Bullies have to go mercenary-recruiting in the fucking locker room, because apparently all sports stars end up becoming hired killers. I mean, look at Football (the guy with the football head). He’s all set to fight this guy. And apparently, neither of them thought to bring any weapons. I mean, the spiky-head guy (Scorch, who’s head is supposed to be a flame) brought a flamethrower.
Oh, and of course, Scary Bob vs Hoops. Scary Bob can’t beat him because Hoops is an idiot. HA HA HA HA HA! SO! FUNNY! (uggh)
Note to everyone – if you want to discredit whatever you have to say, simply use the word “idiot” in the description. Examples include “I’m here to point out how some people are idiots” or “I talk about idiocy.” There is no faster way to make yourself look like a pretentious asshole than including a derogatory word like that as a description for your opponents or for certain aspects of society. And even using it in situations like this comic just makes me groan because you always have to have a pretentious character to show that the “village idiot” isn’t the intellectual average. Just…don’t use the word. Let’s just all retire it to the wasteland of socially-unacceptable words.
The climax of the battle! And what a climax! The Bullies pull out a rocket launcher and Hoops decides to throw his explosive friend (he has a bomb for a head) into the path of the rocket. It would be kind of badass (but still heartless) if the rocket had not exploded four feet away from Hoops and had actually resulted in some sort of explosive stalemate. Seriously, how does this make any sense? Is Hoops invulnerable to a certain kind of explosion? Why are the Bullies firing a rocket launcher at Hoops at point-blank range? How does a massive explosion that should destroy both parties end the battle with one party being victorious? In fact, why does neither party get injured and the Bullies just seem to walk away from the battle?
It’s really pointless to ask these questions, though, because it won’t change the fact that these stupid comics exist, and no amount of writing will get rid of them or change their content. In the end, Hoops and his friends succeed, they make friends with the mercenaries who tried to kill them, and then they drive off into the sunset, er, snow. All is well for our basketball-headed hero and he continues life as if nothing happened in the first place.
I once heard that you have a thousand bad drawings in you that you have to get out of your system before you can draw good drawings. I’m glad these are out of my system.